Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance, unto every people! Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of (happiness) that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth. (Alma 29:1-2)
I usually try to keep my emails upbeat and fun to read. I try to leave out the crappy stuff that happens and the disappointments, but I´m sorry to announce to everyone: This will not be one of those weeks.
What a week.
It started off fine.
Like I mentioned, I thought for sure I was getting transferred. I wasn´t. This was not disappointing to me. I was actually super relieved because I felt like we were finally going places with some of our investigators. Adonai was coming quickly to Christ and was preparing for baptism. Rosa (if you remember from before, my Mom away from home) was has been reading the Book of Mormon with us page for page, and we were finally starting to get the trust and help from the members of the branch that we needed. I would have been a Little disappointed if I had left now.
Only one of our group of 4 got changed, so there wasn't too much difficulty moving forward.
But then it started to rain. And you know that when it rains, it pours. And people I am talking figuratively .
My companion was sick. We got basically 2 days knocked out from under our feet because she felt awful and I couldn't find anyone who could go out on splits with me. That's fine, we can handle that. Siguid Adalante.
Finally, she felt good enough to get some work done. So we started. We were anxious to get going. We had quite a few let downs with appointments that fell through and people who don't seem to want to keep commitments. But that too, is fine. We can handle that. Siguid Adalante.
Then Saturday came. Rosa told us she needed to ´talk seriously´. Immediately I knew what that meant. I was trying to deny what my heart was already telling me. She was going to give up on us, give up on the Book of Mormon AGAIN. But we gotta go, so sure enough she dumps us. This is happened before but this time was so much harder for a few reasons. I have been praying and fasting, and WORKING MY BUTT OFF to help this woman. I have done everything in my power to get her a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love her and she is clearly SO CLOSE to being a powerful force for the church here, but Satan sucks and just pulled her out from under us. When I didn't get transferred I thought ´This is my chance to finish what Ive started with Rosa´and I was so grateful for the opportunity to keep trying. Only 2 days later she gives up on us. I took it really hard. When we left the house I burst into tears. I was and am SO DISAPPOINTED. I felt like I failed myself, the Lord, and Rosa. I have spent my entire time here in Costa Rica working and softening the heart of this woman, and now……. Ugh.
To make things worst, we then had an appointment with someone who is basically been forced to take the discussions who is clearly NOT interested. I had to fake smile and happy my way through that. Not fun.
And the straw that broke the camels back, was after our last appointment for the day and before the bus left, guess who we found drunk on his butt in the park?
Adonai.
Let that sink in for a minute.
If I wasn'
And people, I am not just saying he decided to drink alcohol. I am saying that our Alcoholic was so drunk he was glossy eyed, couldn't walk, on the verge of puking, drunk. He smelled AWFUL. He didn't have anywhere to go. We couldn't just leave him in the park, but we didn't have anywhere we could bring him. My companion lost it. Her dad passed away after a life of drinking and she immediately went into shock. We were so disappointed and so drained, spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. We ended up have more then one tender mercy and found a place for him to sleep that wasn't the park bench. We had to leave him and the next morning we raced to find him again, but he was gone. We haven't found him since. We are going to keep looking.
´(And I) could not bear that any human soul should perish´. (Mosiah 28:3) Especially my two most progressing and loved investigators.
I have had hard times in the mission before. The MTC was hard. Leaving friends, family, and school behind is hard. Working from 6:30 am until 9 pm 6 days a week is hard. Learning and teaching in another language is HARD. Living with a companion from a different culture is hard. But NOTHING is harder then seeing people you have come to love, to teach about the redeeming power of the atonement and work so hard with , throw it all away and say that they just don't care.
I did not sleep. I spent my night absolutely bawling.
Never before had I felt so attacked so much by Satan. We must be on the edge of a breakthrough, because he clearly wants us to give up.
Elder Hawley gave me a audio version of this video, and I basically have listened to it non stop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6FKiNVbw3Y
Why is it so hard? Because Salvation is not a cheap experience. It never has been a cheap experience. It is supposed to require something of my soul.
Even though this week was the hardest of my mission, and one of the hardest of my life, I am amazed at how much I have grown this through this week. I feel closer to my savior then ever before. I am more converted to his gospel and his church than I have ever been. I know that this has GOT to be the truth, because if it wasn't, Satan would keep kicking us down. And so, For a moment or two in (my) life (I) will understand what He went through for me. And for that, I am grateful.
Note from Lexi's mom: Send Lexi some words of encouragement: alexis.patterson@myldsmail.net
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