For those of you who don't know, I am currently doing a play at the high school called "Twelve Angry Women" (12 Angry Men- but with women--- I know. I just BLEW your mind!) Its been really crazy, but really fun. I have been so super busy.
Now last night was the opening night of our show. Before the show we like have a little quality "bonding/feel good time". We all sad around in a circle and said one compliment about on of the girls in the cast. It was all very tender.
As we were going around the circle, a strange thought came to mind.
It had been one year.
Almost exactly one year ago, (The first week of April) Was the week that my school was doing Children of Eden.
Children of Eden has a very tender spot in my heart. First of all- It was one of my most favorite plays I have ever been apart of. The message of the story was touching and there were so many inspirational lines of the play (including the one at the top of my blog "every moment of our lives is the beginning")
At the time, a specific line was prevalent to my life. In the Garden of Eden, God makes Adam choose between staying in the garden with him, or being cast out with Eve. Later on in the play Cane makes Abel choose between running away with his brother or staying behind with his parents. The line "Oh father, please don't make me choose, either way, it's more than I can bare to loose. Either way its ripping out my heart. This choice is tearing me apart."
The line honestly could have been my motto at the time.
The week we preformed Children of Eden, my parents, Lauren, and Ricky came to Danville to look around and try to figure out where we should move. I guess the move to California had been on my mind a lot because for the first time, I founding myself questioning whither I would stay in Utah for my Senior year.
I was already quite aware that my parents were making the move, but up to that point I was DETERMINED to stay behind.
I was happy. I loved everything about living in Utah. I had good friends. And I loved the theater department in Utah.
The opening night of Children of eden we did a acting excersize where our director asked us to connect with all those that we interact with (In an 80 person cast) during the play. At the end of the excersize I found my best friend, who I actually didn't interact with all the much in the play. But she stopped me to hug me. As we were hugging we both began to cry. I was having a hard time getting a hold of myself because all I could think was "What if I don't come back in the fall? How could I leave? I have a LIFE here. I can't just pick up and LEAVE."
I had a family. A theater family. That actually meant a LOT to me. I loved every member of that cast. "How could I be done?" I asked myself. "If i move away I could never have what I have here. I could never do theater with anybody else. "
They were my first thoughts of doubt.
As you all know, I didn't come back. I stayed in California. And leaving my theater family behind was one of the hardest choices I made.
It was a hard move. really hard.
But life went on. I kept saying "I don't want to do theater. It won't be the same, and it will only make me sad to not do it with my theater family."
But after 3 weeks at a new school I caved. I couldn't do it. The stage was calling my name. So one day after school I went to talk to the Drama teacher at my new school and basically BEGGED him to let me audition for his advanced drama class.
And something amazing happened.
I got in.
It felt like a sadness weight had been lifted off my chest. For the first time since the move i felt at home. I finally felt like I could get used to california.
I loved it. The people were fun and exciting and new. In fact. they were hilarious and super talented.
And now- almost a year after children of eden - I am back to opening night. Im on the stage. And I found my way home. A new home- yes. But still home.
and If there is anything that the 2008-2009 Musical Dance Theater Class taught me, was that "Home is where the heart is."
So a year ago, I left my family on stage.
and now- a year later I have found a new family.
A family I have learn to love in as many ways as I loved my old one.
And exactly a year later. I return to the stage.